My lack of blogging in the last couple weeks (and months) isn’t only because I’ve been lacking enough time to do it. True, I’ve been busy, but I’ve never been too busy to write. Yet somewhere between September and now, my writing has definitely waned.
It’s got me thinking- where did my writing mojo go?
And the truth is, I’ve always written some of my favorite pieces around here when I was in a state of confusion, sadness, reminiscence or change. I’ve so rarely used my blog to write when I’m just happy, and if I do, I don’t feel nearly as inspired by myself as I’d like to. It’s weird, I know.
But it is ABSOLUTELY the truth. I’ll own up to it. In the last 6 months, I’ve been as close to happy as possible at this point in my life. Things have been going well. Sure, I’ve had bad days and things that go horribly wrong, but overall I’m at a place in my life where things feel right on track. This is where I should be. Stressing about school, dedicating an absurd amount of time to writing for CONFRONT Magazine (because I just love that magazine so freaking much, and because my love for writing about music has grown tenfold), reading too many books when I should be studying, and going out with friends when I get the chance.
I used to write about having writing anxiety- that is, not feeling up to writing about the things that I truly had on my mind for fear of being judged- and I must admit that’s something I’ve worked really hard at fixing in the last two years. But now, as I find myself in a more comfortable place in my life, I’ve stopped feeling that way, and I don’t think that’s necessarily a good thing. There are still things that I’m not writing about, and I should be writing about. I never want my writing (or my blog) to reflect only happy parts of my life, or even to sound like it’s all rainbows and sunshine over here, because that’s certainly not true.
My lack of writing has reminded me that I haven’t been challenging myself enough in something that I love to do so much it hurts. One of my good friends made a comment about my love of literature the other day. She said to me: “you’re so passionate about books, it’s almost frightening.” and I loved the accuracy of that, because sometimes I feel that way too. I want to feel that way about my writing. Even if others don’t necessarily see it, I want to see it. I want to live and breathe the things that I am most passionate about, to a point where it is almost frightening.
It’s time to start challenging myself in my writing again. I’ve been having so much fun getting into a comfort zone of words; editing them and writing them in music and in happy moments. I want to get out of my ‘writing comfort zone’ a little bit again. I want to feel a little anxious about it, because I think that’s when it makes the biggest difference.
From time to time I like writing myself little pep-talk reminder posts like this one. I’ve never been one to settle into life too comfortably, because that’s when I find myself getting bored. I’ve realized lately that this is just what’s been happening; I’ve been letting myself amble along a little bit too comfortably for my own good. Writing is as good a place as any to start changing that!